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  • Kari G.

Undeserving

Sometimes (who am I kidding, it's pretty much daily) songs reach deep into and stir my heart. I'm a goosebumps, cry-in-my-car person when it comes to music. Especially worship music. So, my husband and I went to a Lauren Daigle concert recently, and she sang these lyrics...and I have since listened repeatedly to them:

When I am a wasteland, You are the water. When I am the winter, You are the fire that burns.

When I am a long night, You are the sunrise. When I am a desert, You are the river that turns To find me.

What have I done to deserve love like this? What have I done to deserve love like this?

Your voice like a whisper, Breaking the silence. You say there's a treasure, You'll look 'til You find it. You search To find me.

What have I done to deserve love like this? What have I done to deserve love like this? I cannot earn what You so freely give. What have I done to deserve love like this?

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah

What have I done to deserve love like this? What have I done to deserve love like this? I cannot earn what You so freely give. What have I done to deserve love like this?

 

This song. It captures so well how I feel about Jesus. Why have you chosen me? What have I done to deserve the love you pour over me? What have I done to deserve knowing you, the light of the world? The answer is absolutely nothing. I have done everything short of earning a love like this. I have rebelled, refused and walked away from the very One loving me through it all; who was using moments when I knew Him least to plant seeds to lead me back to Him. Now, it's up to me to surrender. It's up to me to believe and follow...but it sure as anything isn't up to me to earn any favor in the eyes of God.

God's love captivates me: I've been reading a book about the characteristics of God and, a few weeks ago, dug deep into His love. I found it fascinating that the Greek language (the original language of the New Testament) has more precise words for different kinds of love than our English language, which helps us understand what love we are actually talking about when it comes to the love from God.

I'll start with 3 types of love (communicated in the Bible) that we are designed to express, that aren't distinctly God's love toward us:

  • Philia: love in friendship/brotherhood/sisterhood. Fun fact: Philadelphia means "brotherly love".

  • Eros: erotic, romantic love which is a deep intimacy with a husband and wife.

  • Storge: deep affection; natural love between parents and children; familial love.

Now God's love. It is called "agape". This is a love that is completely giving, sacrificial and selfless. It is an eternal love without condition. It is a love we never deserved, but God so freely gives this to us out of his goodness. When our just God must give us what we deserve (death), He not only extends His mercy by not giving us what we deserve, He goes beyond that and extends His grace: giving us exactly what it is that we don't deserve: a way to Him. His son on the cross for our sins - fulfilling that justice perfectly. We are given hope in eternity with Him, surrounded by a love we can only begin to grasp...a love we can't understand because it comes from a Holy God who has perfect, selfless character who can do no wrong; our God, who isn't asking for reciprocity in order to receive His love. We only see slivers of this love as we seek Him because it is too great for our human understanding to completely grasp. And when we hold on to this love and cherish it, it is life changing.

As I seek to know God and all the characteristics that He is, it humbles me. It makes me realize how undeserving and small I am...and, conversely, how big and incredible my God is. He embodies the goodness and beauty and love this world was intended to have, and will have one day...and while I cannot fully understand the depth of all of his perfection, I can stand in awe of it.

Then, I leave you with this: how can we be made aware of this perfect love and stand in awe of it, then not strive toward expressing it? Now when we try, we will fail. Oh I know I will fail repeatedly...but how can we know how it feels to be loved like this and not want others to feel the same? First and foremost, from us as we become the hands and feet of Christ, but most importantly through sharing the great news so that others can feel this love in it's perfection and for eternity if they come to know Jesus.

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